is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
