I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
