pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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