Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
