We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
