I wish I only lived at night.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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