watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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