im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
