yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
