How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
sarcasm needs its own font
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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