he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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