I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
