I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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