I cannot find my penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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