she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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