there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
