turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
