Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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