Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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