he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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