You're completely useless in the revolution.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
