There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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