ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
