Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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