i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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