I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
