dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
