thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
