forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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