i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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