Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
