the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize