I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
