when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
