Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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