I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
