Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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