quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
