Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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