mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We are all done wearing pants today
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
