i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
