please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She needs sedatives and a leash
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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