I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
