I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
