yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think your dad took our porno
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
