youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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