i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
