***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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