More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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