im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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