need another drink. this is the easiest way
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
