you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
