Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
