Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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