Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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