The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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