So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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