Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
