You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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