i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize