tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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