Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
