Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
