just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
