I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
