We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize