I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
