I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
