this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
