Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
