Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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