Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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