at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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