Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
