Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize