video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
