wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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