I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
