You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
