Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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