"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
