Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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