you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Floor bacon is actually really good
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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