I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
