This house was built for laser tag.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
