Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
