Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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