I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
