I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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