Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
