Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
