Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
