Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
