My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize