I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
