Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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